Let’s All Enjoy This Photo Of Kate Middelton’s Naked Bum

WANT to Kate Middleton, the Duchess of Cambridge’s naked bum? You can. And you don’t have to bid. German paper Bild has published a shot of the Royal rump. A gust of post-prandial wind caused the hem on her light dress to cough up, affording the world a look at Kate’s skimpy knickers and buttocks.

The big shock was that the throne warmer has no tattoo of a hockey stick and was not being attended to by the BBC Royal correspondent.

Says Bild:

The royal helicopter rotor blades swirled up the air so that Kate’s summer dress began blowing upwards – affording us a glimpse of her beautiful bum.

Nothing bad there. No mention of her notorious farting nor a pun of there being a part of Cambridge called Trumpington.

But the British Press is affronted.

Ingrid Stewart, a professional Royal watcher, tells Mirror readers:

They [foreigners] are not bound by the restraints of good taste or respect… As long as they can titillate their readers they are happy.

Tsk! Elsewhere in the Mirror you can see a section called “Wardrobe Malfunctions”:

Whether it’s a nipple-slip, VPL, or a surprisingly see-through outfit, a wardrobe malfunction can leave the brashest of celebs red-faced – and if you are Janet Jackson at the Superbowl, it can leave a country outraged. There can be a fine line between daring and baring…

The Sun says there is “Royal outrage”at the photos. You can imagine Prince Eddie being deeply upset at the lack of decorum; Harry less so.

The Mail says “British paper refused to print” the photo. Isn’t self-censorship ace. Well done, you, Daily Mail, for not yelling “Kate Shows Off Arse Down Under”.

Well done, the Daily Express, for respecting “Kate Middleton’s privacy rights”. It’s not like Express readers need to look at German filth to see Kate’s bum, not when they can tune into the paper’s sister broadcaster the Fantasy Channel and watch a Kate-alike getting squired in A Royal Romp.

Forget the G-strings, Kate. Here’s a photo of the kind of bloomers Queen Victoria wore for her Prince Albert. And she knew how to handle the Germans: