Luke Shaw Balls: Manchester United Target In Incestuous Playboy Three-Way Text Show

ONCE upon a time the News of the World did the entertaining kiss ‘n’ tells. Then the paper was put to sleep and replaced with the pisspoor Sun on Sunday. In place of extra-marital shaggings readers now get stories of teenagers flirting.

“England Ace Luke” is Southampton’s 18-year-old Luke Shaw, who could soon be on his way to Manchester United. The story runs:

THREE Lions wonderkid Luke Shaw pleaded for a threesome with a Playboy beauty and her twin sister — just hours before England’s World Cup exit. Shaw, 18, texted Carla Howe from his team’s Rio hotel at 3am on Friday — having earlier sent photos of himself.

So wonderful is Shaw that he played precisely zero minutes for a flat-footed England team at the World Cup.

Carla Howe is one-half of the Sun’s go-to twins for tales of strumpetry.

The Sun loves the sibling glamour models (photos), linking them in print to Manchester United’s Patrice Evra, Olympic gymnast Louis Smith, Pass-Notes Revolutionary Russell Band, nodding TV pro-am singer and Dr Sues-inspired will.i.am and Chelsea footballer Ashley Cole (natch.).  

Now the Sun reports:

Carla, 23, said: “When he asked for a threesome I was disgusted.”

Where’s the ambition, dammit! A foursome… A fivesome…. How about asking for a octosum? C’mon Luke. Up your game. And you can start with working out how to send a “saucy” text. Get his pocket rocket from young Luke:

She wrote at 3am on Friday: “Shame England lost,” and he replied from the team hotel in Rio: “I know.”

Oooou. Don’t stop. Keep talking, you dirty sod… Nearly there….

Carla then sent a selfie in which Melissa also appeared…

Shaw wrote: “That your sister?” Carla replied: “She’s in the background. Lol.”

Shaw then asked: “When we having a threesome?” Carla replied: “Lol. Eww I don’t share my sis. Gross.”

Shaw said: “Ow just the two of us then.”

The Sun adds:

Their chat goes against the high standards expected of England players by coach Roy Hodgson.

That’s what happens when you leave John Terry, the aforesaid Cole and Rio Ferdinand at home and have only Wayne Rooney in the party. Standards slip.

Last night Carla said of her chats with Shaw: “I liked him to begin with. He had a good sense of humour in his messages. He told me he was single and I started thinking he was serious about coming to Los Angeles for a date. But it was soon pretty obvious to me that he was intrigued about Playboy because so many of his messages were about what went on at the mansion.

“I ended up realising he was actually obsessed with it…

Shaw then showed his interest in the Playboy mansion, asking Carla: “Can I come and meet some of the girls?”

She replied: “They literally don’t let any guys come up here ever.” He then said: “You must have had a guy up there?”

She responded: “No it’s mega strict.” He wrote: “Lool. What are you and the girls doing then?”

We’ve no idea. But if you want to find out what (allegedly) goes on at the Hugh Hefner’s place, you can read this NSFW story, which is a lot racier than anything you can read in the limp Sun on Sunday.